I lack conviction. I went out and bought a new vehicle, even though I said I never would and denounced the very act of purchasing an unused set of wheels. I claimed it was a waste of money and a shameless show of vanity, and fancied myself above such superficial concerns.
I also once denounced Walmart, which was easy to do when the nearest one was a 10-hour drive away. Then the multinational invaded this neck of the woods and before you could say “cheap labor” I was stocking up on 192 rolls of toilet paper, giddy with my savings at the expense of another human being’s quality of life.
I’m hoping this Antichrist business doesn’t turn out to be true, at least not in my lifetime. Sure, right now I claim I would never accept the number of the beast, but after one day of not being able to sell, trade or buy Walmart merchandise I’ll be lining up with all the other infidels to willingly have 666 tattooed on my forehead.
So here we go in my new SUV with SpongeBob SquarePants playing behind me on the DVD headrest monitor, mesmerizing my children with his annoying voice. I am thankful for headsets so I do not have to listen to said voice, because this was another conviction I once had – my kids, with their young, impressionable, still developing minds would NEVER be exposed to the dumbing influence of SpongeBob. It’s ridiculous how easily I cave.
What kind of role model does all this make me, really? At this rate my kids are going to turn into materialistic, self-centered, apathetic, impulse-buying, environmentally irresponsible atheists with a poor attention span and no ability to problem solve. They will probably hoard toilet paper as well.
OhEmGee …these are the kinds of things that plague me at night and prevent easy sleep … but oh do I love my new set of wheels….