I am not exaggerating when I say I visit dictionary.com several times a day. It is an indispensable tool in my daily life.
It therefore seemed reasonable that I should sign up for the Word of the Day.
So I did.
My plan was to learn and use a new word every single day.
It was a superb plan.
But I have a lot of superb plans.
The problem is with the execution of my superb plans.
In this case it turns out that in between the gazillion other things one has to do during the course of the day, the word of the day tends to get ignored.
So the words pile up.
They pile up into an epic, incomprehensible novel of nouns, adjectives and verbs, with no prepositions, conjunctions or punctuation to make sense of this jumble of vocabulary madness. Hundreds and hundreds of words – unopened words sealed in cute, iconic envelopes…taunting me.
I created an email folder just for these words, which I would get to when I had a chance.
The chance never came, but the words kept coming regardless.
I could have canceled my subscription to the Word of the Day, but that felt like failure and defeat.
There was no way I was going to concede.
I wouldn’t concede, but the daily reminders of my vocabulary truancy constantly made me feel inadequate and frankly stupid. None of this helped my already floundering self-esteem and confidence.
I’d check my email every morning, but would skip over anything from dictionary.com, instead opting to move the unopened message to the Word of the Day folder I had created.
I would feel tremendous guilt whenever I did this, berating myself with comments like, “Look at YOU, you’re useless. You can’t even learn one new word a day with a simple click of the mouse??? How hard is that? It takes no more sense than flossing your teeth once a day. My question to you is whose flossing your teeth?”
This insanity went on for 2 years before I finally admitted to myself I was NEVER going to open, never mind absorb and use any of the over 700 words that had accumulated in my Word of the Day folder.
Thus, much to the protest of that annoying jerk inside my head, I took a deep breath, deleted the entire folder and canceled my subscription.
Today I’d like to say I feel a huge sense of relief, but unfortunately that internal voice has never let up, and I just feel like an idiot.
The voice isn’t arguing.
It says it can’t argue because I haven’t provided it with a sufficient supply of descriptive adjectives.