Stupid Common Sense Signs

For a few days now, my intelligence has been assaulted every time I walk by the following signage.

Call me stupid, but should people not already know these things instinctively? This was what I was thinking yesterday as I once again trudged past these demeaning signs towards the elevators. I grumbled to myself about where the hell AM I that first I’m subjected to a virtual sermon on how to open a fucking door, and now I’m being informed that even though it’s cold outside, I should take my hands out of my pockets in case I lose my balance and, it is implied, fall and die from a brain hemorrhage (which, fair enough – I have been known to take tumble or two in my time. Very embarrassing).

I am also advised to take small steps, watch where I’m going, refrain from texting as I walk and to never jump out of a moving vehicle (it doesn’t say “moving” but it might as well).

Yeah, THANKS for letting me know all that because until I read your retarded sign I ALWAYS burst out of my vehicle like a maniac Jack-in-the-box without arms, before slamming the car door with my friggin HEAD and then taking a series of running leaps to reach my destination, all the while texting (even though my hands are in my pockets) and not noticing the wall in front of me, which I inevitably leap into. Ouch.

So as all this derision is going through my mind I arrive at the elevators, which are open and empty. I push the “up” button and step back to wait for the elevator. 

As I watch, both elevator doors close.

I stand there staring at the closed doors telling myself I really should take the stairs because it’s faster….

…seconds tick by…

While I wait, I simultaneously stew about the signs and ponder about the stupidity of standing around for an elevator when I could take the stairs.

More seconds go by…

It isn't until about the 1-minute mark that I suddenly notice the elevators ARE in fact vacant and waiting for ME and have been the entire time I’ve been standing there, including when I first pushed the button to summon and open the already summoned and opened elevator doors – not one but TWO elevator doors.

Conclusion: Maybe I DO need signs to tell me obvious things after all…